The Cosmic Vending Machine of the Galactic Laughingstock
Welcome to Earth—A Galactic Spectacle! Take a Seat and Witness the Absurdities of Modern Civilization!
The Intergalactic Leisure Cruiser GLOMP-77 has arrived at the most baffling, self-destructive, and endlessly entertaining planet in the known universe: Earth. While invisible to its unsuspecting inhabitants, the ship’s alien tourists are free to observe humanity in its natural habitat—offering a front-row seat to the absurdity of American politics, media hysteria, and society’s baffling obsession with fast-food feuds.
Meet the Trixlian Family: Reptilian intellectuals on a mission to educate their children on “how not to run a civilization.”
Meet Xarth: A cynical space traveler drowning his disillusionment in fluorescent cocktails, having long given up on Earth’s potential.
Meet Zog: A tentacled bartender who’s seen it all and pours drinks for those who’ve seen too much.
As the tourists gawk at political rallies that resemble cult gatherings, news anchors debating the existence of hurricanes, and school board meetings where science is deemed suspicious, the Trixlian children take meticulous notes:
Lesson One: Humans confuse leadership with entertainment.
Lesson Two: Outrage is more profitable than progress.
Lesson Three: They once sent people to the Moon. Now they fight over chicken sandwiches.
Meanwhile, Xarth watches from the bar, reminiscing about the days when humanity reached for the stars—before they settled for reality television.
As the GLOMP-77 prepares to depart, one final question remains: Will humanity ever get its act together?
(…Yeah, probably not. But they’ll livestream the whole disaster.)
A biting, hilarious, and all-too-relatable satire on modern society, The Cosmic Vending Machine of the Galactic Laughingstock offers a sobering yet sidesplitting look at humanity's foibles through alien eyes. It's a reminder that sometimes, the best way to understand our world is to step outside it—way outside it.
Coming 2025.
